Monday

How Does the Bible View Swinging?

If there were A Manual for Dummies on Christian Ethics, "swinging" (a.k.a. wife-swapping) would probably be defined as "a deviant lifestyle for hell-bound perverts."

Though the new TV show Swingtown (see video clip in sidebar) portrays swinging as something that died out after the 70s, the truth is that it has simply been swept under the rug and into the closet. Swinging is now an underground movement that is very much alive and well right now today at the dawn of the 21st Century. According to NASCA (The North American Swing Club Association), right now there are well over 200 swing clubs in the US alone.

For most Christians (though certainly not all), swinging is simply a codeword for "adultery" or "fornication." Therefore, it should come as no surprise that when people like me suggest that swinging and biblical Christian ethics just might be reconcilable, we are ostracised as either a heretic, a lunatic, or both. In fact, swinging is regarded in some circles as tantamount to giving Christians a licence to go out and rob banks or murder innocent women and children. To them, the term "Christian Swinger" is an oxymoron, akin to "Christian Thief" or "Christian Hit Man." My response?
To quote that Wild and Crazy Swinging Guy from the 70s, Steve Martin:


"Well, excu-u-u-se me!!!!!"



But seriously, folks, the task of persuading conservative Christians that the Holy Bible allows for swinging is a daunting undertaking indeed. Where does one begin?

For starters, we don't want to be so open-minded that our brains fall out. Translated into Christianese, the theological term for being too open-minded is "antinomian," which means "against the law" or "anything goes." Anything does not go. That's why swingers adhere to the rule "No means no." Anyone who knows anything about the Bible knows that there are sexual misdemeanors that neither the Bible, nor common sense, allow for. Of course, rape is wrong. Of course, child molestation is wrong. Duh! And no sane person wants an itchy case of crabs. Hey, I'm simply saying that swinging does not necessarily fall into that category.



None of us should have minds that are like cement - all mixed up and permanently set. Liberals call such people "right-wing conservatives" or "legalists." Meanwhile, many swingers suffer from what I call "a Dr. Pepper complex": Swinging is so misunderstood; if only those close-minded non-swingers tried it, they'd discover that it FEELS GOOD!

Or as Austin Powers said before his born-again makeover to monogamy: "Yeah, baby!"

Of course, it's not just fundamentalist Christians who don't want to engage in shagadelic smorgasbord love fests. For some, it's simply not their cup of tea. It has nothing to do with right or wrong. As one person told me, "I don't believe in God. Therefore, I certainly don't believe [as some Christians do] that swingers are all going to rot in hell. I've really got nothing against swinging, if that's what gives you the giggles. Swinging is simply not my cup of tea." For these people, to swing or not to swing is not a matter of right or wrong; it's simply a matter of preference, like choosing between black tea, oolong tea, green tea, or white tea. The point being, it's one thing to say "Swinging is not my cup of tea." It's quite another to say, "Swingers will spend their eternal existence writhing in a cauldron of boiling sulfur."

Regardless of what your current position is on this complex and highly-controversial topic, if you are a Christian (or even if you are not), you owe it to yourself and others to objectively examine all the pros and cons of both sides.

This blog is designed to be interactive. Your opinions count. Feel free to leave your comments in the comment box below. Click comments. Also, be sure to take our poll in sidebar. Thanks.


I'll be writing more, so STAY TUNED!



Coming soon: Swingers and Christians Can Work Things Out By Talking
What swingers and their Christian critics need now is a meaningful dialogue. Please... Can we talk?







10 comments:

Anonymous said...

It seems you have left your left on the matter up in the air.
How can one, given the Bible only condones being faithful to one man, if married, be used to condone swinging?
I realize the significance of an oath and how the Creator views them as binding: And given the Bible allows one or both parties to change their terms if agreeable to both parties. However, since marriage is an earthly example of our relationship with the Creator, and how we are to become One with Him, how could it be conceivable for a couple to change their agreement and still be "One" only with each other if one or the other is being with other individuals.
Where in the scripture does our creator ever condone man to be One with other deities?
I look forward to more elaboration on your part.

Anonymous said...

It is a misunderstanding of scripture to say that the Bible "only condones being faithful to one man". The OT is full of polygamous relationships and concubunage. Did Soloman become any less one with his wives by having more than one and many more concubines? No.

God never condemned any of it. In fact, God even told David that He would have given him all the wives he wanted (after the Bathsheeba encounter). So God can hardly be used as a valid Biblical basis for anti-swinging.

Jesus came to set people free from the law of sin and death. That law made women inferior to men and gave men dominion over women. Women are now free to do the things that only men were able to do in the OT. That includes having sex with men that are not their husbands. However, Jesus also made the issue of body ownership equal. Husbands always "owned" their wives bodies but now wives also own their husbands' bodies. So the man can do nothing with his body without the wife's permission and the woman can do nothing with her body without her husband's permission. This only applies to Christians, those that are followers of Jesus.

So, if both husband and wife, who are Christians, agree to participate in swinging activity, they are free to do so under the law that Jesus gave us - the law of love - that supercedes the law of sin and death.

God is specific all throughout the Bible about worshipping other gods besides Him. God uses marriage as an earthly example of how the Church is to become one with Him at the end of time, not how individuals are to become one with Him on earth. The Church is to be pure to Him in worship and faith and not entangled in other religions.

Biblical "adultery" and "fornication" are not the same thing that we define them to be today. Biblical adultery was only when a married woman had sex with a man not her husband without her husband's knowledge. It was theft of the husband's property. The wife had no right to offer herself to any man other than her husband. It was a property and lineage issue, not a sexual one. That becomes even more obvious when one considers that a maried man could have a prostitute or a concubine anytime he wanted and it was never adultery.

Fornication was the specific sin of worshipping a false god through temple prostitution. It was not about sex, but about worshipping another god with sex.

God never did condone a man to "be one with other Dieties" and that has nothing to do with swinging. Swingers do not make "dieties" out of their sex partners, either Christians or otherwise.

T said...

WOW to the Anonymous from March 23, 2010! My husband and I have discussed exactly what you wrote: we both want to engage in swinging, with each other around only, and have tried to discern whether it is alright with God or not. Thank you for your comments :)

I truly found this blog interesting, as I am Googling differing thoughts on this subject.

Silverbakk said...

The Bible cleary warns against defilement of the bond with God and the bond in a marriage He has built. It come down to what is the cement of that bond and that may be defined differently depending on the couple in question. If the bond is cemented by attitudes of loalty, honesty, mutual support, mental oneness and other unseen qualities and not dependent upon sexual behavior then couplse so oriented may play sexually and never disturb their bonds. Much like studying and enjoying the teachings of a religion of a different god may not deteriorate in the least one's bond with his or her own Christian God.

TC said...

This is how I feel about the subject.
When a husband and wife are in a loving, commited relationship and do not plan to replace what they have, but only enhance it, It is then possible they can come to an agreement (yes they both must agree) to play in the swingers life and set rules to abide by which will ensure their their union stays intact. (no one party should not go along with it just to please the other spouse)

With the high number of divorces, unhappy marriages and spousal abuse, would you oppose those who are keeping the spice in the marriage and keeping their marriage a happy one? I strongly believe a happy marriage will last a longer time (and not for the reason of just staying together for the sake of the kids)

Besides, with so many marriages breaking up over infidelity and cheating, wouldn't it be nice to say let's play together, not secretly but live it out together.
I'm not saying it should be an open marriage either, that's something different, when one spouse can go out by him/herself and play with whomever he/she wish. We plan what is ok and not ok for us to do TOGETHER as a couple. There must be a lot of communication between the spouses and respect each other's boundaries.

Everyone can have an opinion what should and should not be done, but ultimately it's up to the couple to decide {in private} how they want to design their marriage. Every marriage is different and yes we as christians are all striving to live a Godly life, but we should not look to pattern our marriage after anyone else since each individual has different needs and desires.

Anonymous said...

No swingers are not bad. Judgmental people make them outlaws. Who are these judgmental people? They are those insecure people who fear the way others might live their life if it isn't exactly like their own - like what my wife and I do in our bedroom will effect them anymore than what they do in their bedroom effects us. These are the insecure people who have to feel superior to others in some way to feel good about themselves. They are the ones that judge everyone based on everything from their clothes, to their hair, to the car they drive, the color of their skin, or their lifestyle. For them to be "good" someone else has to be "bad". To give their life meaning they have to diminish the meaning of someone else's life.

These are sad, tormented people who spend their whole life being judgmental and bitter about everything and everyone around them.

A truly secure person neither feels above nor beneath anyone else.

So they pry into other people's bedrooms and make judgments on their sexual activities. Of course theirs, if it were broadcast to the world, would probably shock many others. But they don't see that. They don't want anyone prying into their private life, but they feel everyone else's is open season to them.

As far as the Bible goes. Abraham offered his wife Sarah up to kings of other nations on two separate occasions and God blessed him with more riches. Sarah, unable to conceive sent Abraham to their handmaid to impregnate her so that he may have a son.

Many holy men of the Bible had multiple wives and concubines. Again, God had no problem with that. The problem God did have is when David killed another man and took his wife in which God told him all he had to do is ask and he would have gladly given him as many wives as he desired.

Same with Abraham. When he sold Sarah to a king God stepped in and gave her back to Abraham and allowed him to keep the profits from the sale of his wife.

No mincing words, no twisted logic, it's all there.

In fact, the Bible has 20 references alone in support of multiple wives and only 8 against it. If you had to base your decision on strictly that fact, do you believe God is for or against plural relationships?

Up until about 1000 CE the Catholic Church allowed plural marriages. It was an economic and not a moral decision to ban the practice: the dozens of children of all the priests were bankrupting the Church.

Again in 1650 because so many men had been killed during the 30 Year War the Catholic Church again decreed plural marriage okay for ten years following the war for any priest under the age of 60 that was not bound to a monastery and every common man, up to 10 wives each.

Cheating is bad. Forsaking is bad. Being unfaithful is bad. But the root of all those is deception of another, not swinging. Those who think that swinging is "cheating", being "unfaithful" or "forsaking" their spouse need to look those terms up in Websters.

Like I said, I can go on and on with this one, so I'll end here.

Anonymous said...

Thank you all for your valuable comments.There is much said, and to be said about Christians Swinging and much infavour. However, where can we find Christians who want to swing? Can anyone suggest/recommend or know of Christian Swing Groups they can publish here?

Silverbakk said...

I know of no exclusive Christian swing connection sites, however swingular dot com provides intro pages where you can specify the category and qualities of people you want to meet. I would asume that the percentage of Christian swingers on this site roughly matches the pecentage of Christians in general population. Most site members do not declare their belief preference but those who put emphasis on friendship first before adult activities may be more likely to have personal beliefs in God than those who are just seeking another sex episode. Normally when you make friends with whom you feel comfortable in adult activities you do not ask about their belief preferences. You feel right about associating with them as human beings of similar makeup. Religion may come up incidentally but it is not a popular topic unless the frendship becomes expanded beyond alternative experiences.

Anonymous said...

I am a Christian and I am looking for a reason to swing. This is a bit light on scripture. Also say that Jesus gave the law of love and there ya go is also very weak. There are many different types of love. (Eros, Phileo, Agape, Strorge) Therefore, convincing me that he means Eros love will take more than, “Jesus said love one another.”

Where can you find true translations of the scriptures that prove Poly is ok. I need to see the translation and how they are applied. I need to be able to go to a standard dictionary and get the same translation. Basically, I need to see the guts of these claims.

Remember now. I want to be able to make the case.

Silverbakk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.